I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
