I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
