please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Let's get the cat blown out
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
