ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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