Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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