the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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