Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
