Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
