i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
