My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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