I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
