I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
