Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
