He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
