Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
