i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
