Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
