We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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