Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
