Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
