Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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