I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
