we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
