I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
