Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
There are leaves in my underwear?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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