It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
