wrigley field is MILF paradise
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
