They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
