I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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