i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
