going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
