he thought i was a dude.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
