Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
