you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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