I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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