Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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