I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
