Quick, to the slutcave!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
