a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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