My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
