Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize