If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm at about main and main street
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
