escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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