In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
