Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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