Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
