am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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