dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
