i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
