R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Randomize
