How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
