Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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