I think I am morally bankrupt
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
