i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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