I have demons in me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize