Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
