she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
