coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
