Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
