I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
