How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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