the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
