she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
