i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
