I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
