Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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